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4.30.2013

Day 1: 10kg

Hari ini, bermulalah diariku sebagai seorang pendiet! Setelah naik badan sebanyak 10kg, barulah aku tahu dan fahami apa ertinya...

"KAU DAH NAK KENA DIET DAH WEH!!"

Dari berat yang sangat ideal.. 46kg, aku dah termakan dan makan dan makan dan makan dan makan dan makan lagi sampai lupa nak berhenti. Apa yang aku makan sampai naik 10kg ni??? Adoiiii!

Let’s see.. encik boyfriend hari-hari mengidam makan burger.. mana boleh tengok dia makan sorang2.. kenalah teman dia, kan? Kesian dia makan sorang-sorang je. Darilah benjo ke burger ayam lepas tu lately ni tukar lak minat burger daging. Atas galakan dan hasutan dari Danial Afiq.



Nasi lemak memang favourite no 1 aku. Nama pon LEMAK. Memang bertepu-tepulah lemak aku makan. Dah lah pernah sekali tu, hari-hari makan nasi lemak. Masa tu masa zaman-zaman dating dengan Afiq. -___-”

Hari-hari makan nasi sebab aku nak gemukkan Afiq. Wahaha. Sambil-sambil tu belajar memasak la. Umur dah 22 susahlah kalau tak reti masak nanti. Tapi nak buat macam mana, air tangan terikut air tangan ibu dan arwah abah (poyo gila). Memang rasa hari-hari nak masak then makan berpinggan-pinggan. Masak untuk si dia tapi kita yang makan lebih.
Dapat pulak boyfriend belajar culinary. Tak payah cakap la.

Tengok!!! Ini semua salah dia! Bila aku nak diet, dia nak makan. Bila tengok dia makan.. aku pon nak makan. Bila aku tak makan, dia pon tak nak makan. Terpaksa makan sebab nak dia makan! SEMUA SALAH AFIQ!!!



Actually dapat tau aku dah gemuk 10kg 2 hari lepas. Tengah kemas-kemas, terjumpa penimbang berat tu.. Ingat diri ni masih slim.. Mungkin berat dalam 53 je kot sebab 3 minggu lepas aku timbang 53. Tu pon dah kelam kabut nak diet, nak bersenam konon. Hangat2 taik guinea pig betul! Sehari je exercise lepas tu sakit kaki (padan muka), and then kena bebel dengan Afiq.. seminggu tak exercise sebab sakit kaki then extend lagi cuti exercise sampai la 2 hari lepas.

Berbalik cerita timbang berat tu.. masa tu malam, tak buka lampu, rabun pulak tu.. ingat dia tunjuk 52. Eh biar betul? Not bad la sebab makan banyak sangat.. mungkin berat badan aku tak boleh naik lebih 55 kot? Besorkan mata sikit nak tengok 52 ke 53 ni? Sekali 56.5 ha!!! Hambik kau!
Terus on kinect!! Nak menari! Tapi sebelum tu, wajib maki hamun kat twitter dulu tau?

Seumur hidup aku, berat badan tak pernah lebih 52kg. Patutlah semua seluar dah tak muat, baju dah sendat! Sebab dulu pernah la montel sekejap, badan naik 52kg.. terpaksa beli seluar and baju baru! Tapi lepas tu kurus kejap, semua seluar tu simpan je dalam gerobok tu tak guna. Sebab longgar gila. Tapi sekarang.. seluar tu pon tak muat!!! Baru nak insaf tak nak makan lagi.



Apa-apa pon aku tetap nak salahkan DANIAL AFIQ jugak sebab dia punca!! Tapi tak apa….. sebab dia pon dah gemuk. Dari 6packs jadi 1cutepack. Tapi dunia ini memang tak adil!! Sebab orang cakap dia nampak tough! Tapi Momo cakap, nak tau beza tough atau gemuk, kita tekan.. kalau keras tu maknanya tough la tu. Kalau lembik, faham-faham je la tu. Badan Afiq tough atau gemuk?? Ahahahahahahaaahaaaahaha aku sorang je tau ahahahhaa.

So.. mulai hari ni aku nak buat journal diet aku.. patutnya start dua hari lepas sebab dah exercise start 2 days ago.. eh.. dah seminggu dah.. hari-hari pergi swimming ! Tapi balik swimming je melantak. Baghal jugak aku ahaha. Sebab masa tu tak timbang berat lagi. Sekarang baru insaf.
The reason Im making this daily journal sebab aku nak journal ni jadi pengajaran aku untuk tak gemuk lagi. Untuk ingatkan diri sendiri satu hari nanti, betapa menyesal dan susahnya nak kurus balik. Jangan nak main belasah je melantak semua makanan depan mata!

Sebagai permulaan yang tak berapa nak mula sangat ni, dan sebagai insan yang sangat lemah dengan makanan.. hari ini dimulakan dengan kuey teow curi Afiq punya. Walaupon teringin nak order sendiri punya, tapi aku tetap kena lawan nafsu aku tu!!! Tapi banyak gak lah aku makan dia punya hewhewhew! Tadi tak tau yang sebenarnya kalori dalam kuey teow goreng sangatlah tinggi!! Baik makan nasi paprik ayam je. Lagi puas.

Kandungan kalori;
Nasi paprik (1pinggan 350g) = 500 kalori
  • Kuey teow goreng (1 pinggan 380g) = 670 kalori

Menyesal lak makan tadi. Sebab tak tau!!!! Nak makan kuey teow, makan kuey teow tom yam okay? 170 kalori sahaja!

Tu baru brunch tu tau!! Haaaaaa.. tengah hari makan karipap je.. tapi tak elok gak sebab berminyak! Sebijik karipap je dah 130 kalori dah. Baiklah aku makan nasi je tengah hari tadi oiii! Yelah saya budak baru belajar nak diet. Mana la nak tau. Yang tau, baik makan epal dengan sayur je. Tapi aku adalah seorang karnivor bukan herbivor dan tak berapa nak omnivor

Dan malam lak.. melantak paru rendang dengan roti (seboleh-boleh tak nak makan nasi jugak).

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Sedapkan???? Tengoklah siapa masak! Teeeheee! Aku pon tak tahu siapa masak. Panaskan je ni. Tu pon terpaksa makan sebab ibu suruh. Berapa kalori dia? Entahlah aku sendiri tak tahu. Mari tanya encik google. Kalau ikut website yang aku tengok, tak ada rendang paru tapi kita anggarkan je lah ek?
  • Rendang hati ayam/lembu (1 senduk 30g) = 80 kalori
  • Sambal paru (1 senduk 40g) = 180 kalori
Agak-agak rendang paru berapa? Rasanya sambal dalam 20-30 kalori je kot? So, paru dalam 150 kalori. Rendang agak-agak 60-70. Main hentam je tau! Bukan pakar pon dalam bab diet diet kalori ni. So, 150+70= 220 kalori! Intake hari ni dah jadi....
  1. Karipap = 130 x 4 = 520 (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!)
  2. Kuey teow goreng = 223
  3. Rendang paru = 220
  4. Orange juice (1 serving) = 118
Total = 1081! Now aku nak kena menari & bakar 1081 calories yang aku dah makan hari ni! Cilako punya karipap. Dah la hari ni tiba-tiba sedap pulak karipap tu! Tu pon kalau betul aku makan 4 je. Thanks to Freedieting, I know berapa lama nak kena dance guna Dance Central 3 ni. Tapi kat web tu dia ikut game wii.
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158minutes. Uih 2jam lebih nak dekat 3jam gak tu!

Nasib baik esok cuti! First time ni sambut labour day bwahaha. Terasa diriku teramat berharga! Ahahaha. Bongok. Nak menari sampai lebam hari ni. Lantak lah apa nak jadi. Esok tidur satu hari! Kena bebel dengan Afiq pon lantaklahhh yang penting aku nak turun 10kg! $$%^&*(&

Dalam masa 7 hari, kita tengok berapa aku boleh turun. Turun 2-3kg pon okay gak kan :P Mana tau dalam masa sebulan boleh turun 10kg terus ke. Ahahaha berangan. Kalau tak makan boleh lah. Ini perut asyik lapar je. Kalau tak makan, gastric lak. Haih.

Okay cukup bebel dah. Nanti tangan je kurus. Nak kena menari 2jam lebih untuk bakar kalori hari ni. Kalau tak memang maintain je lah 56kg sampai bila-bila -___-".

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Cantik tak nombor dia?
:P

4.29.2013

Perfectionism

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To those who knows me well, clearly it's one of the thing that drove me into depression. Oh, yes . I've been depressed before partly because I wanted everything to be perfect but everything wasn't. When I can't get anything organized, or goes according to what I want, I will go mad. Mad mad.

I am a perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect, including myself. I can't handle imperfections very well. Because..

I want everything to be perfect!

For me, if I can't have something perfect, better not have it at all. For instance, I don't have a matching bag for the shirt I am wearing.. I'd rather not going out at all. Or I will go out and buy a new bag just to match that one shirt! I will make a big fuss about a small things.. If I don't have one simple and not important ingredient for the dish I'm cooking for that day, I bet you can already guess.. I'm not going to cook at all.

It's not easy being a perfectionist. Always looking for a perfection when it doesn't exist... The crazy craves for perfection. Because life is tough to always want everything to be perfect.

The worse part is not wanting people around me to be perfect. But trying to make myself perfect.

4.25.2013

Coz My Fav Colour Is Purple!

I've been thinking... and been doing a lot of thinking.. to dye my hair purple! What do you think? Because I love purple! You will see me with pink wallpapers, pink phone cover, pink clothes, everything pink when my favourite all along is PURPLE! YES! PURPLE!

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 SEE???! Damn nice righttttt? The colour is so pwetty! I want I want I want but I can't! :( Sad. Coz I'm living in a society who judges A LOT. And because it will look really weird on me. So I considered another one..

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 Nice or not? Purple highlights would look weird.. Maroon/pink-ish highlights are nice rightttt :3 Teehee! I still haven't make up my mind yet whether I want to dye/highlights my hair purple or just dye with the greenish brown hair. Because brown dye on my hair looks red-ish. Not gonna bleach my hair! Na ah!

But I wanna try something extreme. Can I? Should I? PURPLE! Awwwyeah! ActuallyI wanted to dye my hair violet. AHAHAHA. In my dream -_____-" .  
When girls change their hair color. This, I have found to be tried and true, and I am guilty of it myself. It doesn’t always mean a girl is in an existential crisis, but if there is a desire to change her hair color (or cut), it’s usually to escape something or another. Especially drastic changes. I know when I’ve struggled most in my life, the first thing I do is dye my hair really dark. I don’t consciously mean to act out in this way, but in retrospect, I see that I’m trying to run away from who I am and be someone else. Likewise, this happens a lot when someone is really feeling insecure, and hello, we all know the classic post-breakup hair chop. - ThoughtCatalog.  
I don't know if it's true. I am not sure myself. I mean, I did that before when I was getting over a break up. I chose light colour because I was trying to change myself ya know.. Try something new. Something different. Something brave.. Something outstanding (meh). And this time.. I just wanna live my life! I wanna try everything so one day, I could tell this story to my grandchild.

"Sweetie.. nanny once dyed her hair purple. Now eat this mini pavlova munchkins! <3"

I want to cut my hair short too! Not so short lah. Just shoulder length maybe? Or longer a bit? But I know I will regret it a minute after I cut it. And I'll complain everyday for years. Trust me. It'll take YEARS until I can finally stop complaining. I will go on and on and on of how my hair would be longer if I hadn't cut it! Purple hair.. maybe yes maybe no. Really hope I could dye my hair like in the first picture! But I wouldn't dare lah. Sigh. What a coward. And it depends on what my paycheck says this month!

What Makes You.. You?

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4.24.2013

Things To Do

So many things to do, so little time. The problem is, I don't know which one to do first. Ended up doing nothing at all. That's my daily routine.

4.19.2013

Now & Then

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THAT SEXY STARE!

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The same sexy stare, 5 years later <3

4.08.2013

Grateful For What I Have

Peluang hanya datang sekali seumur hidup. Betul ke? You’re lucky if you got a 2nd chance. And some people are just toooooo lucky to have so many chances given to them to fix the mistakes they did. But they took it for granted and only regret it another day when it’s too late.

When it’s too late.
Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang ada.. Sebab Allah sentiasa berikan yang terbaik untuk kita.. Cuma kita yang tak pandai menilai dengan apa yang ada. I am grateful for what I have today.
Everyday, day & night aku bersyukur tak terkira sebab aku masih ada ibu lagi. Setiap pagi bangun masih ada ibu, and tidur malam masih lagi ada ibu. She’s the only one I have.

I always wonder… How does it feel like to have a family? Ada both parents, abang, akak, adik..? Kalau kehilangan sorang, tak terasa sangat.. Masih ada family lagi.. Kadang-kadang terasa jealous bila tengok orang lain masih ada ayah.. ada adik beradik.. Kalau aku hilang ibu…. I will be alone. Tak ada abah, abang, akak atau adik. I’ll end up alone. Everyday I am living in fear of losing my mom. I don’t wanna lose her. Ever.

4.01.2013

My 22nd Birthday

Ok janji nak update hari tu.. Tapi dah nak seminggu baru nak update hihii. Atas sebab-sebab yang tak munasabah. Honestly, it was the best birthday ever. Because finally, my dream came true. All I wanted for my birthday is to celebrate my day with my special ones. I mean, everyone that meant a lot to me. And this year, almost everyone that are important to me were there for my birthday. Only the special ones. Actually dari pagi dah syak dah mesti ada surprise. Because everyone acts WEIRD. Too weird!
  1. Sehari sebelum birthday, Afiq seboleh2 nak suruh kerja jugak hari tu. Hari before or lepas birthday tak apa cuti.. But on the birthday itself, tak boleh! Bila push2 sikit nampak sangat ada sorok something. Hahah.
  2. Ibu pon cuti! Aik? And I know my mom. She talks A LOT when she has a surprise.
  3. Ibu keep main handphone. TEXTING! She doesn't even want to reply my sms.. Ini nak sms orang lain?
Banyakkkkkkkkk lagi lah. Nanti cerita. Okay, so disebabkan ibu cuti (tapi kononnya petang sikit kena naik office), ajak ibu gi Paradigm Mall sebab nak beli barang Fluffy sikit + shopping untuk hadiah diri sendiri. Kononnya nak beli beg laaaah. Last2 bawak balik cincin Rm10 je. Okay, moving on.

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Okay, so ibu cakap dia kena balik by 2.30pm sebab ada kerja sikit. Tapi dia macam tak kisah. Meh. Dah syak dah tapi diam je lagi. Balik pukul 4.30pm but when I offered her nak hantar pergi office, dia kata tak payah. Seboleh-boleh tak nak bagi ikut!! Macam-macam alasan dia.. Dia paksa balik jugak. Ahahahaha ibu ibu. Comel la. Situ je dah syak lagi dah mesti ada apa-apa niiii!

Lepas dia balik, terus bersiap nak pergi KL. Sebab Afiq kata dia nak belanja for my birthday! Tempat special. I told him tak payah la nak sambut-sambut macam ni, perhabis duit apa semua.. Jawapan dia comel je. He asked me untuk merialisasikan impian dia. Eh? Birthday siapa ni? Haha.

Gerak somewhere I don't know sebab dalam kereta tertidur. Wasn't feeling well. Celik je mata, dah sampai Sentul Park! Dekat KLPAC. Eh??? Biar betul dia ni? Tapi time ni laaa paling banyak kantoi! Dia kata nak belanja kat sini, kata dah pernah datang. Tapi cara dia memang macam first time sampai. Bila suruh dia jawab pandang mata, mata asyik melilau and jawapan tergagap-gagap. Ibu pulak sibuk dengan handphone. Konon nak belek2 handphone tu laaa.. Nak belajar cara guna laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Padahal boleh dengar bunyi keypad handphone dia menaip  delete sms.

Sampai situ, Afiq cakap, tunggu dalam kereta dulu. Lepas tu tiba-tiba suruh keluar nak masuk restaurant tu. Tapi dia kata boleh ready. Bila dah keluar kereta nak masuk restaurant, dia macam tak sure. Ibu lak dah banyak cakap.. Itu tanda-tanda dia ada surprise la tu. Kata nak tengok ikan Koi laa.. Tapi nak tunggu dalam kereta. Lepas tu lepak luar tu tengok view -____-" .

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Apa jugak laa dorang nak buat ni.

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Terus jadi macam ni. HAHHAHAA.

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I know they got a surprise. But I have no idea what were they planning on.

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Part paling best? Bila ibu jawab call jauh gila. Kalau boleh macam nak pergi keluar dari park tu je. Yang Afiq lak sibuk dok halang bila aku nak gi kejar ibu. HAhahahaa. Sudah-sudah la tu. Dah kantoi dah semua benda! Time tu la dah tau ada orang lain yang join nanti. Ehek ehek.

Tapi boleh pulak masuk kereta balik, pergi tempat lain. At first I thought sebab aku asyik cakap kat Afiq, tak payah belanja kat situ... Lepas tu ibu lak cakap sorry banyak kali kat Afiq. Dia kata aku tak makan makanan kat situ, better belanja dekat OU je.. Makanan Jepun je lagi okay. Memang hilang mood la time tu sebab rasa serba salah.. :( Then ibu tiba-tiba cakap, sebenarnya dia yang nak belanja. Haihhhhhhh.

Sampai OU, tempat yang aku paling tak suka... sebab susah dapat parking.. aku cakap kat dorang, better pergi Curve. Sebab ibu kata nak belanja Sakae Sushi.. Curve senang dapat parking and I know the parking spot yang naik tangga terus jumpa Sakae. Lagi senang. Again, macam-macam alasan dorang! Lain macam dah ;)

Dah dapat parking tu, saje je nak try dorang, so aku cakap nak makan benda lain! Of course, ibu refused. She insisted to go to Sakae. Ahh sudahlah. Kantoi dah semua tuuuu. Sudah-sudahlah tuuu. I kept repeating that.

Bila dah sampai depan Sakae, aik.. dorang still terpinga-pinga cari restaurant lain. Pelik betul la... Ibu cakap nak Hokkaido.. Dia kata Afiq kata situ sedap. Eh sejak bila pulak boyfriend aku ni pandai makan makanan jepun ni? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. And when I saw "Kita No Zen", I know Along, Kak Ayu & Abang Mell is gonna be there! Coz I remembered Along recommended me that restaurant.

Dah duduk apa semua, I thought memang tak ada orang lain. Tapi ibu macam mencari orang lak. And she called someone... jeng jeng jeng............ salah restaurant daaaaaaaaa. Rupanya yang sebelah tuu. Hokkaido Ichiba. Hahahaha. And masa nak masuk, ada orang jemput & cakap, we have our table ready for birthday party. AHAHAHAH. Time tu memang gelak je.. Lantak la orang tengok :P

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Inilah orang-orang yang nak cuba surprise the Master of Surprises.
How can they surprise the Master?
Instead of them saying "surprise!", I said it first! AHAHAHAH!


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30% of the menu of the night. No kidding.

To see them all there, on my birthday, sitting together at one table.... It was already the best thing ever. It was already the best birthday I ever had. I don't need expansive items, I don't need a luxury birthday surprises. I just need them. Especially my mom. To have my mom is the best present anyone can give me. That's already the best gift I have. Thank you, Allah.

Afiq & Me

And this year, what makes it even more special is because I have this dude over here. He has became part of me without me knowing it. He has already stole my heart so fast... Well, actually, so slow. Took him 9 years! Hahaha. But he's a part of me now. I need him for my birthday this year, next year and forever. Kesian lak bila asyik tanya-tanya dia before surprise ni. Dia sampai dah tak tau nak cakap apa. Actually dia yang banyak kantoikan ada surprise sebab dia mesti blur tak tau nak jawab soalan2 cepumas aku. Ahaha.

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Love them so much.

The only part that I was actually surprised was this cupcakes! Didn't saw them when I actually sat next to them on the last picture with my family. Hahaha bongok. Thought it's gonna be pavlova. Sobs. Hari tu je dah tersebut Pavlova dua kali bila nak sebut Red Valvet.

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Tapi dorang nyanyi lagu birthday macam nak tak nak!!
Sampai tertiup lilin time dorang tak habis nyanyi sebab halfway Along tak nak nyanyi tapi tiba-tiba sambung. Isk.

Watching them, having dinner with them, made me think... That I am so blessed. I always complained about my life. Semua tak cukup... Complain complain complain. And that night, I realize that I am so blessed. That I should start to appreciate all the little things. Like this dinner for instance. Who knew what would change next year... Bukan apa.. Because I've been through this before. Quite a few times actually. Like my last family picture with my dad. Who knew it would be the last picture of us. Who knew it's gonna be the last raya I am gonna celebrate with a dad. And my auntie.. Who knew last Chinese New Year would be the last dinner we're gonna have together and I didn't make it to the BBQ. And this year, she's no longer here.

I am grateful for what I have today.. This year's birthday taught me a lot.

But my birthday doesn't end here! There's more! Lepas perut dah kembung. masing-masing nak balik. Along & Abg Mell macam bagi hint sikit. Dia kata bukan tu je.. Ada lagi.. Eh ada lagi ke? Eh ada ke? Ada ke??? Bila dorang cakap cam tu, I looked under the table sebab dorang sembunyikan cupcakes tu pon bawah meja. I saw a bag. Guess! But I pretended I didn't saw em. Teeheeeee.

And dorang pon senyap macam betul-betul tak ada apa lagi! So, I thought... Oh.. Bukan kot? Maybe tadi dorang shopping. And sampai balik la dorang pretend tak ada apa -____-". So memang yakinlah tu bukan hadiah aku. Perasan je! Eeeee. Tapi my instinct cakap, there will be another surprise. THERE WILL BE! Didn't wanna put my hopes high so I convinced myself, there won't be any other surprises dah. Jangan nak perasan sangat lah. Bajet Sweet 16 ke hape!

But lepas ibu made a call to Along, dia cakap dia dah sampai and dia tanya Along dah sampai rumah ke... It made me think again! Takkan la ibu nak tanya Along cam tu kot? Rumah dia dengan OU boleh jalan kaki! And takkan laaa balik dari OU pon nak bagitahu? Kalau dari Melaka tu yelah! AHAHAHAHAHA KANTOI SUDAH.

But still, tak nak mengharap sangat. Dah siap tukar baju tidur apa semua dah.. Ibu suruh rest je dalam bilik.. Dia kata biar dia kemas cake tu. Time tu memang dah penat & mengantuk sangat. Had a little talk with Afiq. Dia siap dodoi suruh tidur lagi tu. Duk belai belai.. Memang dah nak terlena dah la. And dia pasang lagu "Lagu". Tiba-tiba ibu suruh keluar dengan nada panik. I thought something happened to Fluffy!! Isk!!! Ruang tamu pon gelap je... But terhidu bau something lah! Bau berries! STRAWBERRY! PAVLOVA!!!!!!!!

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Lantak la dah lewat malam ke apa ke... Aku jerit dengan nada dondang sayang terus! Terlompat-lompat kat situ macam orang gila Tg Rambutan terlepas dekat ASOT.

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Tengoklah. Dah serabai dah nak tidur. Tiba-tiba dapat surprise lagi. Half surprised! Okay laaaa... 80% surprised. 20% dah dapat agak sebab saw that Guess bag lah. Kalau tak nampak or memang dah ambil time tu, sure tak expect langsung!

Okay kali ni lagu birthday nyanyi sampai habis. Ada video tapi tak nak upload. Gedik terlebih dalam video tu! Hahahahahhaa. Tapi tengoklah kalau ada mood nak upload. Ada part penyampaian hadiah sekali. Cewah! hahaha.
Camera 360

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Kena setepek dengan Along.
"Master of surprises kena surprise yeee?"

Patutlah ibu tiba-tiba nak suruh singgah beli air dekat A&W... Kononnya dah lama tak minum root beer. Tapi bila A&W dah tak jual yang besar tu, dia suruh beli air sampai 3 botol! Biar betul ibu ni... Alasan dia nak minum air manis! Nak air gas! Fell for that one. Damn.

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Nantilah upload video tu, tengok dorang bagi hadiah. Dapat 3 hadiah for all of 'em. Budak atas ni bagi hadiah paling besar and paling berat! Hahaha. Nak tau apa? Teka lah yang bawah tu mana satu dia bagi. Guess tu memang confirm from Along & Kak Ayu lah. Charm bracelet rupanya! I loike!

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That's why it's THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! Tapi ada sambungan dia lagi nanti.... What makes it more special. Tunggu part 2! Sampai sini je lah dulu for tonight. Dah pukul 12.30am! ESOK KERJA! Nak tidur! Good night!